emmel
2009-03-24 01:06:37 UTC
This is still a bit raw (read: error ridden), still a few hundred words
short, and all of it should probably be in part 3 (which you should
probably reread, link to the archive below) rather than stand on its
own, but here you go. I could really need some feedback if the balance
between exposition and story works somewhat, and in particular if the
descriptions are working, so tell me, please? The good news is that the
action picks up again in part 5, if I ever get it done.
*****
Aya demonstratively brought her index finger down on commit; a second
later there was the usual beep signalling that everything had checked
out. No surprises there, it always did; despite the somewhat fantastic
qualities the Shadow Flux's cargo manifest tended to have. Call it a
hunch, but sixteen tons of minced meat looked somewhat suspicious. The
meat produced here hardly qualified as delicacy.
She pushed her seat back from the console station on the left
of the cockpit and moved it into flight position, the seat locking in
place with the slight hum of the motors. As far as she was concerned
everything was set. She had run all the self-tests, checked the
docking clamps of the Wallflower, riding piggyback on top of the
larger Shadow Flux, personally checked some of the more critical
systems in case the self-tests got it wrong, and finally taken care of
the paperwork. As soon as the cargo was stowed, they were ready for
take-off.
She repositioned her headset and opened the internal comm.
'How's the cargo coming?' she inquired, idly polishing the armrest
with her sleeve. The touch sensitive controls on it were
indispensable, but seriously, did every single fingerprint have to
show?
'Everything stored and secured.' her dad's voice came from
behind rather than over the comm, startling Aya who had been fighting
with a particularly resistant spot. Forrester Kendri shut the cockpit
door behind him and strapped himself into the seat to the right.
'Ready?' he asked.
'Ready.'
'Well, then let's see if my new pilot is worth her money.' he
said, giving his daughter a wide grin. Aya raised her brow, but she
let it slip; there would be plenty of time for that later; preferably
after a hot shower and change of clothes. But first things first. She
opened a comm channel to Traffic Control.
'Ranira Traffic Control, this is Aya Kendri aboard the Shadow
Flux. Requesting permission for take-off.'
'Ranira Traffic Control to Shadow Flux. You are cleared for
departure on lane two.'
Admittedly, a job that only existed because of some obscure legal
reasons, and for a dwindling number of classic ships that couldn't
handle the protocols for automatic negotiation, probably wasn't the
pinnacle of job satisfaction, even though a secure government job with
a steady paycheck was nothing to sneeze at.
Doing nothing all day but relaying completely superfluous
information wasn't something to be enthusiastic about, and Aya wasn't
going to blame anybody for that.
The woman answering her request, however, didn't just lack
enthusiasm. Her voice conveyed all her scorn and resentment for the
world while being so monotonous it'd be next to impossible for a
machine to duplicate, marking her as one of those people whose only
pleasure was to make you as miserable as they prided themselves to be.
And for that, Aya could blame her.
Better than blame, however - and much more satisfactory - was
retaliation. After all two could play that game.
'Understood and thank you. Have a nice day.' she replied as
cheerfully as she could manage without sounding totally fake. Too bad
they didn't hand out actor's awards for that kind of thing.
'Understood. Over and out.'
As subtle as it was, the little change in voice was as telling
as anything could possibly have been; the woman was foaming. Aya
grinned; nothing like joyfully ruining a sulker's day.
With a few button presses she launched the engine and grabbed
the manual flight controls. For a moment the Shadow Flux rocked, but
then the ship gently lifted off the ground, balancing on the jets of
the landing thrusters. Aya checked the instruments one more time to
make sure she was working correctly, then tilted the ship slightly
upwards and fired up the main engines.
At one she was pressed deep into the seat, and like a fiery
arrow the ship shot upwards, the ground dropping away under them as if
in free fall. Within moments only the largest of sky scrapers were
still visible, columns, holding up the ceiling of clouds in the sky.
Then they entered the clouds themselves and the outside of the cockpit
turned into a uniform grey.
There were six distinct cloud layers in the sky above Ajahli, each
with its own texture and colour, or so they said. To her, there was
just one giant murky mass with an indifferent look and a sight of less
than ten metres. As far as she knew there was only one person on the
whole of the planet crazy enough to fly through it personally, rather
than let the autopilot handle that; and she was damn well proud of it.
Her mum had been the same, and that had probably something to
do with it, but mainly she enjoyed feeling the wind tearing at the
ship while the rain was lashing against windows and hull.
After a few minutes the surrounding became lighter, and the
suddenly the Shadow Flux was free, shooting out of the clouds like a
dolphin and leaping out of the water, an ocean of clouds below the
infinity of the universe spread out before them.
The sight was breathtaking, every time anew, no matter how
often she saw it. This was real freedom; only her, the ship and the
endless sea of stars.
She checked the instruments. Well, at any rate the freedom to
take lane two in the next eight minutes and twelve seconds or have her
flight license re-evaluated. That was plenty of time, though. She
could easily make it in five minutes; two if she ignored some of the
more idiotic safety regulations. But of course a law abiding citizen
like her didn't do such a thing - unless she was in the mood or had a
similarly good reason.
Aya pulled the controls sharply towards her, forcing the
Shadow Flux to do half a somersault. Gateway Station - the upper end
of the space elevator - and the gate panned into view from above. Or
below if you belonged to those people who insisted that up and down
were in any way universal. Idiots. They had even tried to lobby a law
into existence that would have forced passenger flights to travel
upright, that is parallel to the planetary surface. Defeated with two
votes in favour, none against and two hundred and fifty-four
abstention. Who would have guessed.
Anyway, there were almost upon the gate now, the large
projection filling the inside of the ring filling almost the complete
view. In fact, the projection was what the ring was all about. The
actual channel was controlled from some central place. She faintly
remembered reading somewhere that in the beginning, when they channels
weren't the standard way for faster-than-light travel yet, they'd let
the navigation computers of the individual ships keep track of the
endpoints, but after the first few collisions between emerging ships
and local traffic, they'd given up and put up the gates as markers. In
any way, they brought a bit of colour into play.
Every of the sixteen lanes had their own hue, the eight
inbound ones generally a tad brighter than their inbound counterparts.
They were arranged in way that made them look like two large water
drops swirled around each other, with the individual lanes stringed
together like pearls on a chain, from the largest lanes, one and minus
one, that had half the diameter of the channel and could fit the large
cargo trains, down to eight and minus eight that only the smallest of
craft could take.
The Shadow Flux easily fitted a lane three, or if you took
some care a lane four, so hitting the designated lane two was child's
play. Aya checked position and course one last time, locked onto the
guidance beam and switched the ship into automatic mode. The system
making only the faintest of corrections, a fact she noted with quite
some satisfaction, and within a few seconds, the Shadow Flux hit the
gate projection. Everything outside the cockpit went black.
'Thank you for choosing Kendri Spacelines. Next scheduled
stop: Shower.' she announced, unstrapping herself from the seat.
'Who, not so fast.' Forrester Kendri said, putting his hand on
her arm.
'Dad, please. I'm all sweaty and my clothes are positively
clinging to me.'
'Which is nobody's fault but yours.'
'Dad, please.'
'Look, kitten, I won't say another word about punctuality, but
at least don't answer the phone in the nude. I know, it was just me,
but we both know that you didn't check. Just be a bit more careful in
future all right?'
Aya nodded.
'And now off to the shower with you.'
--
emmel <the_emmel*you-know-what-that's-for*@gmx.net>
(Don't forget to remove the ** bit)
story archives available at http://ranira.wordpress.com
Official AGC feedback maniac
Proud owner of 1 (one) DISOBEDIENCE point.
Former owner of 1 (one) eating point (eaten, sigh).
short, and all of it should probably be in part 3 (which you should
probably reread, link to the archive below) rather than stand on its
own, but here you go. I could really need some feedback if the balance
between exposition and story works somewhat, and in particular if the
descriptions are working, so tell me, please? The good news is that the
action picks up again in part 5, if I ever get it done.
*****
Aya demonstratively brought her index finger down on commit; a second
later there was the usual beep signalling that everything had checked
out. No surprises there, it always did; despite the somewhat fantastic
qualities the Shadow Flux's cargo manifest tended to have. Call it a
hunch, but sixteen tons of minced meat looked somewhat suspicious. The
meat produced here hardly qualified as delicacy.
She pushed her seat back from the console station on the left
of the cockpit and moved it into flight position, the seat locking in
place with the slight hum of the motors. As far as she was concerned
everything was set. She had run all the self-tests, checked the
docking clamps of the Wallflower, riding piggyback on top of the
larger Shadow Flux, personally checked some of the more critical
systems in case the self-tests got it wrong, and finally taken care of
the paperwork. As soon as the cargo was stowed, they were ready for
take-off.
She repositioned her headset and opened the internal comm.
'How's the cargo coming?' she inquired, idly polishing the armrest
with her sleeve. The touch sensitive controls on it were
indispensable, but seriously, did every single fingerprint have to
show?
'Everything stored and secured.' her dad's voice came from
behind rather than over the comm, startling Aya who had been fighting
with a particularly resistant spot. Forrester Kendri shut the cockpit
door behind him and strapped himself into the seat to the right.
'Ready?' he asked.
'Ready.'
'Well, then let's see if my new pilot is worth her money.' he
said, giving his daughter a wide grin. Aya raised her brow, but she
let it slip; there would be plenty of time for that later; preferably
after a hot shower and change of clothes. But first things first. She
opened a comm channel to Traffic Control.
'Ranira Traffic Control, this is Aya Kendri aboard the Shadow
Flux. Requesting permission for take-off.'
'Ranira Traffic Control to Shadow Flux. You are cleared for
departure on lane two.'
Admittedly, a job that only existed because of some obscure legal
reasons, and for a dwindling number of classic ships that couldn't
handle the protocols for automatic negotiation, probably wasn't the
pinnacle of job satisfaction, even though a secure government job with
a steady paycheck was nothing to sneeze at.
Doing nothing all day but relaying completely superfluous
information wasn't something to be enthusiastic about, and Aya wasn't
going to blame anybody for that.
The woman answering her request, however, didn't just lack
enthusiasm. Her voice conveyed all her scorn and resentment for the
world while being so monotonous it'd be next to impossible for a
machine to duplicate, marking her as one of those people whose only
pleasure was to make you as miserable as they prided themselves to be.
And for that, Aya could blame her.
Better than blame, however - and much more satisfactory - was
retaliation. After all two could play that game.
'Understood and thank you. Have a nice day.' she replied as
cheerfully as she could manage without sounding totally fake. Too bad
they didn't hand out actor's awards for that kind of thing.
'Understood. Over and out.'
As subtle as it was, the little change in voice was as telling
as anything could possibly have been; the woman was foaming. Aya
grinned; nothing like joyfully ruining a sulker's day.
With a few button presses she launched the engine and grabbed
the manual flight controls. For a moment the Shadow Flux rocked, but
then the ship gently lifted off the ground, balancing on the jets of
the landing thrusters. Aya checked the instruments one more time to
make sure she was working correctly, then tilted the ship slightly
upwards and fired up the main engines.
At one she was pressed deep into the seat, and like a fiery
arrow the ship shot upwards, the ground dropping away under them as if
in free fall. Within moments only the largest of sky scrapers were
still visible, columns, holding up the ceiling of clouds in the sky.
Then they entered the clouds themselves and the outside of the cockpit
turned into a uniform grey.
There were six distinct cloud layers in the sky above Ajahli, each
with its own texture and colour, or so they said. To her, there was
just one giant murky mass with an indifferent look and a sight of less
than ten metres. As far as she knew there was only one person on the
whole of the planet crazy enough to fly through it personally, rather
than let the autopilot handle that; and she was damn well proud of it.
Her mum had been the same, and that had probably something to
do with it, but mainly she enjoyed feeling the wind tearing at the
ship while the rain was lashing against windows and hull.
After a few minutes the surrounding became lighter, and the
suddenly the Shadow Flux was free, shooting out of the clouds like a
dolphin and leaping out of the water, an ocean of clouds below the
infinity of the universe spread out before them.
The sight was breathtaking, every time anew, no matter how
often she saw it. This was real freedom; only her, the ship and the
endless sea of stars.
She checked the instruments. Well, at any rate the freedom to
take lane two in the next eight minutes and twelve seconds or have her
flight license re-evaluated. That was plenty of time, though. She
could easily make it in five minutes; two if she ignored some of the
more idiotic safety regulations. But of course a law abiding citizen
like her didn't do such a thing - unless she was in the mood or had a
similarly good reason.
Aya pulled the controls sharply towards her, forcing the
Shadow Flux to do half a somersault. Gateway Station - the upper end
of the space elevator - and the gate panned into view from above. Or
below if you belonged to those people who insisted that up and down
were in any way universal. Idiots. They had even tried to lobby a law
into existence that would have forced passenger flights to travel
upright, that is parallel to the planetary surface. Defeated with two
votes in favour, none against and two hundred and fifty-four
abstention. Who would have guessed.
Anyway, there were almost upon the gate now, the large
projection filling the inside of the ring filling almost the complete
view. In fact, the projection was what the ring was all about. The
actual channel was controlled from some central place. She faintly
remembered reading somewhere that in the beginning, when they channels
weren't the standard way for faster-than-light travel yet, they'd let
the navigation computers of the individual ships keep track of the
endpoints, but after the first few collisions between emerging ships
and local traffic, they'd given up and put up the gates as markers. In
any way, they brought a bit of colour into play.
Every of the sixteen lanes had their own hue, the eight
inbound ones generally a tad brighter than their inbound counterparts.
They were arranged in way that made them look like two large water
drops swirled around each other, with the individual lanes stringed
together like pearls on a chain, from the largest lanes, one and minus
one, that had half the diameter of the channel and could fit the large
cargo trains, down to eight and minus eight that only the smallest of
craft could take.
The Shadow Flux easily fitted a lane three, or if you took
some care a lane four, so hitting the designated lane two was child's
play. Aya checked position and course one last time, locked onto the
guidance beam and switched the ship into automatic mode. The system
making only the faintest of corrections, a fact she noted with quite
some satisfaction, and within a few seconds, the Shadow Flux hit the
gate projection. Everything outside the cockpit went black.
'Thank you for choosing Kendri Spacelines. Next scheduled
stop: Shower.' she announced, unstrapping herself from the seat.
'Who, not so fast.' Forrester Kendri said, putting his hand on
her arm.
'Dad, please. I'm all sweaty and my clothes are positively
clinging to me.'
'Which is nobody's fault but yours.'
'Dad, please.'
'Look, kitten, I won't say another word about punctuality, but
at least don't answer the phone in the nude. I know, it was just me,
but we both know that you didn't check. Just be a bit more careful in
future all right?'
Aya nodded.
'And now off to the shower with you.'
--
emmel <the_emmel*you-know-what-that's-for*@gmx.net>
(Don't forget to remove the ** bit)
story archives available at http://ranira.wordpress.com
Official AGC feedback maniac
Proud owner of 1 (one) DISOBEDIENCE point.
Former owner of 1 (one) eating point (eaten, sigh).